Big Brother 8 Daniele Donato Live Journal: July 2005 - 2007

Laguna Beach season 1 DVD
ok so im watching tv and a commercial comes on for Laguna Beach season 1 on dvd. oh god!
So ridiculous. I mean as nice as they all are, its just turned them into publicity whores. I hardly ever ever talk to Dieter anymore for that reason alone. I mean really dont get me wrong theyre all seriously nice people but come on..

my update in pictures:

so last night called me to say hi. She's really really nice. my dad's dating her right now. I like her & i hope he doesnt screw things up.Then today i woke up at freaking 8:30 to go see in the IMAX at universal city walk. It took me an hour & a half to get there!! Bumper to bumper traffic. I was mad. but yeah i was actually dissappointed with it. Dont get me wrong, it was really good, but i was just expecting a lot more. & i finally got And ive been craving it for so long so it was heavenly. Ive been getting really bad headaches lately which is weird because i dont usually get headaches. booo. & Im getting ready to go to (thats where i work duh).
And thats my story. [End]

Today is my 4 year anniversary with LJ!

yep it is true. I'm that much of a a dork. It has been 4 years and Ive had the same user name and everything. thats hxc!!
x♥x♥x♥x

ok so who wants to move to costa mesa with me?
Seriously. I have one month to move out and the one bedroom apts are outrageous.
takers??

So I can't sleep because my brain thinks too much on overtime. Thats usually the reasoning behind my insomnia. And tonight I did not take any medication, therefore i will most likely be awake for a few more hours still.

In 26 days I will be nineteen years young. My maturity level is so far above nineteen. I've been through a lot and experienced a plethora of different hardships. I don't like how when people find out I'm only eighteen they sometimes shut me out. Most everyone I've known has thought i was older before they found out my real age. When I tell people how old I am, they never believe me. I'm just old for my age. I can hold a long intelligent conversation with a fifty year old then go out and have fun with the kids. I have a balance and I know when to bring each to the table. What I'm getting at is how much i dislike being young. I think everything it has to offer is superficial bullshit and drama. Granted the drama never ends. But I want so much more from life. I'm ready to get serious and build relationships and a future. I'm ready for life, but it just doesn't seem ready for me.

Loneliness has become an emotion that is far too regular. If i have learned one thing so far this year it would be to trust no one. I'm the individual who trusts everyone and likes everyone until they give me a reason not to. I suppose it may be niavity and ignorance but it's just the way I have always been. I'm sorry that I have faith in mankind. I really don't understand why people take benevolence for granted and turn it into a vulnerability. It also astounds me how grown people are still so disingenuous and put on a facade to the rest of the world. Their actions are those of a pupil still enrolled in junior highschool. When will people grow up? The tawdry gossip and blatant malignity is futile.

I feel as though I have nothing to show for my life. I regularly ask others, "what did you do today to better the progression of mankind?" While i do ask this question in a joking manner, it does cause me to sit and think about my own life and accomplishments, or lack of. I am still in the prime of my youth and I have plenty of time to bring meaning and purpose to my life, but I want it now. If you were able to step outside your skin and look at your life and the person you have become, would you be satisfied? Would anyone go out to buy the story of your life and stay up all night because they couldn't put it down? I don't want my life to be insignificant.

As for love, I think I've given up hope for now. I just want to find a person who wants to be with me as much, if not more than I want to be with them. I want some one that I will mesh well with. And i don't want it to be mediocre, I want to be swept off my feet. I want it to be a great love with a great story. Perhaps if we stop searching for love, love will search for us. Serendipity.


ok I'm done thinking ... for now.

Ok so Its August 1st. You know what that means.. the birthday count down starts today.
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11121314115
1617181920

19 days, & this is what i want so make sure to tell my parents.



Balenciaga (seafoam green or apple green)



Beagle



Canon Powershot Pro 1



Thank you kindly.

Tomorrow I do not work. This makes me happy because if I do as i plan, i will wake up early. Go look at a bunch of apartments, go to this terrific store in anaheim, and possibly go see a movie, all by myself. rad. i love me days.

kris came back from florida today. I am happy to say that before he left, i myself took the initiative to stand up for myself and end things before i let myself get hurt. i am also proud to say that I am over him. I really really am.
While he was in Florida, he purposed to Madaline. Thats fine, honestly it doesnt bother me. I just feel really bad for her. And as much of a friend that he is, i have no respect for him because he is a liar and a cheater and boys are trash.
as i always say.. i'm going to write a book one day.

i have a small teeny tiny crush on a new boy at work. the only thing is he's too young for me. We're basically the same age, hes a few months older. Ive never dated a guy less than two years older then i am. I have to date older guys to be on the same maturity wave length. thats sad.

Its almost my birthday, i think its pretty funny how i am always so excited and i count down every year but i have only once had a good birthday. My birthday is usually the most depressing, horrible day of the year. hopefully this year it'll be really nice, I just want to spend it with all my friends.

im still looking for a place to move. i could say a lot about this but im not going to. All i willl say is that i want to move so bad so i can get out of this stupid house and also so i can get a new job!

& i still need a new camera. sorry my posts suck.

yes its true. This is dedicated to BFF's fo lyfe!
First i must say that Paul is an amazing friend & its not just because he buys you a new camera for your birthday. Its much much more than that.

ok so Matt, the boy i'm crushing on from work, yeah.. i love crushes, they are so much fun and make you feel so lame and cheesy, i miss that feeling. So its fabulous.

Kris was working tonight & kinda being weird and then he saw me & i kept talking/flirting with matt and not paying any attention to him. So then Kris starts talking to me about random stuff and pulling my hair. guys are so freaking stupid.
& all of you people would be so proud of me! I'm so over him and just everything about him. iloveitiloveitiloveit!

Tomorrow i work early and then i have a date with my dad. <3 how cute.

1 more week!!!

I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!


i love being in control of my life. It makes me a happier person. I have spent countless nights crying over different boys.. but for what?! a waste of emotions. Today i realized a lot. I usually have epiphanies at random times. but it is contentment at its finest.

I enjoy intellectual conversations with intellectual people. Today i disscussed religion with my father. Its nice talking about it with a person who's not religious because theyre not one sided and stubborn. It was a nice conversation too.

Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

oh & you better believe im going to be updating with stupid myspace quality pictures all the time. you can all thank paul.

You’re gone.I’m miles away
Turning out your lights
Ten different ways I could end this night
Can’t do this anymore.Won’t feel you anymore


i had the worst day of work ever! i cried 3 times. i hate the new girl.
that & stuff...
i dont know what to say except that im tired of never sleeping. and my birthday is in 4 days.

this is lenny.

Another me day. I called friends but everyone was busy so it turned into a me day. I saw "Happy Endings" and it was terrific!! i absolutely loved it! so go see it. Theres actually a bunch of movies i want to see so bad!

-me and you and everyone we know.

-broken flowers.

-the 40 year old virgin.

-the constant gardener.

-my summer of love.

-my date with drew.

-must love dogs.

-november.

-the baxter.

-heights.

-pretty persuasion.

-the memory of a killer.

-asylum.

-junebug.

-the edukators.

has anyone seen any of these yet?

Its odd the times that i find contentment at its most , like tonight i was driving with the windows down so the cold could come in, but the heater was on low to stay warm, mirah playing loudly as i drove not too fast, but not too slow. and it felt like Christmas. It was perfect. i felt at home with myself. I love that feeling. When i drive is when i think about my life. Where it all stands. And how i can express my emotions later in my live journal, but its always better how i think it up in the car.

"the greatest creation is the life you lead"

I drove to Irvine to go see happy endings & had chick-fil-a. ♥ i realized that even more then costa mesa, i want to move to Irvine. i love that city and its right by costa mesa & newport, so its perfect. I also drove by UCI and it made me sad because im going to miss out on that chapter in my life. I hated the college i went to and didnt get the whole experience by living on campus because of financial issues. I don't know what i want to say about this.. but i didnt like it.

i've become content with this life that i lead
where i drink too much and don't believe in much of anything


& why is it that when cds get scratched, its always on your favorite song??

ps. THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!!!

So i had a fantastic birthday. Party at Jolea's friday night till 8am. then breakfast with paul. then sleep for 2 hours. then bum around lindsays house. Medieval Times. then poker at Amber's house & she baked me cupcakes & sang to me. It was wonderful, really.


lindsay


jolea. they got the knight to throw me the flower for my birthday.


paul.cortney.chuck.


lisa.


mm soup.


some of the work crew. lisa.cynthia.natalie.jolea.jon.

I spent all this time convincing myself I'm over him
so he could explain how he's over me
to make me realize I'm really not over him.

Irony's a bitch.

ok i want to make note that i have fallen in love. I am now obsessed with George Stults. and want to have all his babies.

ok i was really bored today so i apologize ahead of time for all the pictures. Has anybody seen the Roast of Pamela Anderson? I hope so because seriously so freaking hilarious. I really want to see the movie "Proof". it looks terrific. Other than that i have nothing to say...

"And all you see is where else you could be ...
When you're at home, out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone"

I want to take a writing class. I want to write. I want to take a photo class. I want to take photos.
But please stop asking me if I'm going to school. And when I say no, please don't question my motives. What difference does it make? It's my life. Stop judging me.
I don't want to dissappoint anyone. I hate having nothing for you to brag about. I hate being a waste of air.

I want to be swept off my feet. I want butterflies. If you don't give me those feelings, I'm not going to waste my time.

..You know those friends you have that you feel "need to be your friend"? I never use to believe in soul mates...

I know everything I feel, sometimes I just can't put it into words you would understand.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love" -Mother Teresa

Ok so heres the thing: One of my best friends is pregnant. Im always there for her and all that friend stuff. But ever since we found out, which is like a month ago, everything is about her now. & shes not there for me. I mean i understand nothing I'm going thru is as severe as her, but still. I dont know, maybe I'm being selfish.

Also, i am in love. & i know something is still there. Its more than evident. My friends mom says i should tell him exactly how i feel about him and what hes doing.That way I know i did everything i could..
I dont know what i should do.. By doing that, i have a LOT to loose.


&&& somebody better convince me to not get another tattoo or else im going to get one really soon.

& sorry Im so sexy in the next few pictures. Don't be jealous.








& i love this picture because we both look badass...



Oh yeah, & should i chop all my hair off? like ridiculously short??

"God if you can hear me out alright,
Please take these feelings for her inside
My chest hurts when I breathe tonight
It's wasting me away, you're wasting me away."

Sup hottest chick in the world?..

Anyways.. I watch too many movies, too many Christmas movies to be exact.. I can't wait till Christmas though, seriously. & will somebody please give out the memo: girl pants on boys, corduroy, platform flip flops and not fashionable, Thank you. Kinda craving a cheeseburger.



Dear Sun,
Thank you for not coming out today. Although I love you, i enjoyed your absence today. If you talk to the rain please tell him I miss him and he's welcome to stay anytime.
Sincerely Yours,
Daniele

there's so many good movies coming out. Let's go see them!! & Im not a fan of Ashton Kutcher, but he was really cute in Alot Like Love. Last week was my dads anniversary for his second marriage and his second divorce. I feel sad for him. Although she didnt leave him, it was mutual, She picked their wedding date to leave. Also his vett got broken into and they ripped out like half the dash to steal his stereo.

& i went to my moms & we had a heart to heart. yeah...

I need a vAcA from life. I dont know what to write. My life is way too boring to keep up on this thing..


& who knew if vince vaughn & i were in highschool together we'd be hott for eachother in love.

Second entry of the day..

Went to the beach tonight. by myself. blanket and Ipod. Waves and Cool breezes. Sand and Brainstorming. When i was walking down to the water, there was a blanket on the sand, underneath the blanket: two people having sex. I understand that this was random information, but i deemed it necessary to add. So i went and sat down where the tide came and sat there for hours just listening to music and thinking. Saturday night spent alone. I could be out at a party drinking and making pointless boring conversation with strangers to enlighten the facade my life has become. But instead i took time to try and figure myself out. I realized that I need to fill the void I made for that person. Since they will not be using it. I also realized numerous other things, but that seemed most important. I need to learn how to let things go. I'm so afraid of letting go and stepping into the unknown.

should i cut my hair like so:

I wasnt feeling good so i couldnt sleep. I'm feeling better, but i still cant sleep.


Lately, Ive been just constantly breaking down.
work - im on my last leg.
love - in love with the impossible.
home - miserable. period.
school - hiatus. letting everyone down.
money - owe 900.
dad - too busy.
friend - too busy.
mom - ...
when does positive kick in?

I'm done with making plans with people. I mean that too.
.... I need new friends. I mean that even more.

Tonight is a terrific movies on tv night : Truman show & Jumanji.
now i want to play a board game. ♥
I am also hungry because I ate cereal today but thats it. somebody bring me food biznatches.

What should I be for Halloween???

Instant Star <3 is anyone else obsessed with this show?
Seriously I watch wayyy too much tv. I could list like 20 shows i have to watch. thats ill.

& What happened to the rain? It keeps getting hotter!

Question: What is your favorite song about love?? The one no mix cd can be without..

Halloween

?

Poison Ivy




-OR-

A Ballerina



?

ok this entry isnt for everyone beause most people wont care. & its ridiculously long.
I have been going thru a lot of emotional.. well, i need to go to the doctor I'll say that. But anyways. I decided I need to tell Kris how I feel, not for him, but for me. But I'm really awful at telling people how i feel, so as lame as it sounds I wrote out a letter & im thinking about giving it to him & having him read it (while im still present) that way i dont forget anything & actually do it. & then just wait for his response. Im just wondering people's opinions on the letter. I dont know why i care.








I have been wanting to talk to you for quite sometime now. Telling myself to wait until the right time, but basically making up insignificant excuses to put off confrontation. First and far most, by saying any of this, I want you to know my biggest fear is not necessarily the ruining of a friendship, because I believe our friendship is stronger than that, but just that it may make you see it differently or even act differently towards me in any way. And I really don’t want that to happen. Our friendship means too much to me. I have three best friends in my life, and I truly consider you to be one of them. For a while, I have been debating sharing this with you at all, but I finally came to the realization that maybe it’s not ‘for you’ that I need to do this at all. I need to do it for me.
Ever since I met you, I have been drawn to you. First, I found myself attracted to you in a physical, and even more, a sexual way. Then as I got to know you and befriend you, I found myself acquiring a much deeper, more meaningful attraction. I have never felt towards any person, the way I feel for you. We've been friends for over a year and you still give me butterflies! Kristopher, you are the first thing I think about when I awake in the morning, and you are the last thing I think about before I go to sleep in the evening. There is not one thing about you I would change. Although you do frustrate me and test my patience at times, I have come to realize the characteristics you unleash that make me mad, are in fact the traits that make myself attracted to you even more.
Out of all my prime fears in life, rejection is undeniably somewhere near the top of my list. This being the reason I was so fearful to tell you how I truly felt towards you. The things you told me and the way you acted towards me gave me a hope that maybe, just maybe I had a chance for your heart. So I took that chance, put myself on a limb and went for it, but alas came rejection. Telling a person that they are ‘not second best’ then rejecting them show that they are not good enough in one way or another, not up to par. You’ve told me before you thought about if I was your girlfriend and told me you were falling in love with me. Were you lying to me then or are you lying to yourself now? Because feelings like that don’t just go away. I tell myself that if a person is too cowardly to break off a relationship, that there is no possible way they would break off an engagement. Although I do realize this, I can’t change the way I feel.
More than anything, I just want you to be happy and content with the road you choose for your own life. I would do anything to ensure happiness for you. I have so much fun when I’m around you, and still I feel as though I can come to you and talk to you about anything. When I get to work and see you, you are the breath of fresh air I need, a sigh of relief. You are my happy medium. I miss talking to you on the phone every night on your drives home, while you stop at Del Taco and order so much food even though you just ate at work. I miss kissing you in the office when nobody was around. I miss you coming over to my house and wrestling on my bed, tickling me until I couldn’t breathe, but still I always won.
I do realize that this is all probably pointless, but I wouldn’t be able to live knowing that I didn’t do everything in my power to go after the biggest love my heart has known. I know your rebuttal would be, “but I’m engaged..” and that’s that, but this is real life. Not everything is meant to be planned out. This is the rest of your life. Someone once said, “I don’t want to be the one person someone wants to live the rest of their life with, I want to be the one person someone can’t live the rest of their life without.” If I was getting married, I would not want my boyfriend deciding between breaking up with me or purposing to me. But maybe that’s just me. Sometimes the best things in life are total mistakes.
I just need for you to know that I am very much in love with you and it’s never too late or possible to be stuck in a set plan. This is your life. You make the rules. Don’t make your choices according to what others expect of you. Live your life to make certain that when you wake up tomorrow, you’re exactly where you want to be.


What do you think of it period.

Why is life so tragic?

There are many things i hate about working in a restaurant, but the biggest one is turn over, in the staff. You make the greatest friends, and meet the most amazing people you'll ever meet in your lifetime and as soon as you get close to them, they find a better job and leave.

I'm so tired & the buzz is almost gone but i cant sleep. I realized that the feelings i feel are numb. I never want to do anything but sleep. I just feel numb.


idontbelievethatANYBODYfeelsthewayIDOaboutyounow

I went to the doctor today. Not joking I was there almost 4 hours. almost every one of those minutes waiting. Let me tell you something. Those people should not get paid as much as they do. They're all STUPID.

I forgot how obsessed I am with the song Penny by hason.

I forgot how much fun I have when I go out. I want to go out more like I use to. FRIENDS? I went to dinner last week with Dan and Kris. when we sat down, in the booth across from us was Jerry O'connell. That was neat I suppose. He's cute.


its no suprise to me that anyone hardly tells the truth about how they feel.The smart ones keep to themselves for good reason. Why would you want to tell anyone anything that's dear to you?
Even when you like them and want nothing more than to be closer to them? It's so painful to be next to someone you feel so strongly about and know you can't say the things you want to."
-Henry Rollins


& yesterday was the second worst day I ever had at work. I said if one more thing went wrong i would cry. Don't think you couldnt find me in the kitchen 10 minutes later in tears. & Kris came up gave me a big long hug and kissed me on the forehead and said it'll all be ok. do you realize that that is exactly where I want to be. In that moment forever.




It was Anthony's 21st! He's my favorite black man & I'm his favorite white girl. <3



& They stole him this street sign by my house because its his last name :)


vito & i had to watch what we said because we were the only white ppl there. haha.




& we like to take a nice break from reality after a hard days work..










I LOVE these people.



ps. Imscaredtogivekristheletter.

"ADVICE IS WHAT WE ASK FOR WHEN WE KNOW THE ANSWER BUT WISH WE DIDN'T"

I left 100 dollars at work!
4$E#%$&^%^*&8743^&^(345

NOBODY HAS THE FUCKING TIME!!!!!!

best cd ever <3
1. "I didnt believe in destiny, I look up you're standing next to me. what a feeling "
2. "if I lived till I was 102, I just don't think I'll ever get over you."
3. "You're the only one I would take a shot on, Keep me hanging on so contagiously."
4. "What if you should decide that you don't want me there in your life."
5. "you don't know what it's like to love somebody , the way i love you."
6. "we've got the past to remind us of love chivalrous and grand."
7. "my chest hurts when I breathe tonight. It's wasting me away, You're wasting me away."
8. "you try to give away a keeper, or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose. "
9. "i dont believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now."
10. "Love is no big truth, driven by our genes, we are simple selfish beings ."
11. "and i never felt alone, till i met you."
12. "and I don't think that you know what you've been missing."
13. "you'll be given love, you have to trust it. maybe not from the sources you've poured yours into maybe not from the directions you are staring at. twist your head around, it's all around you."
14. "i'd sacrifice money and heaven all for love, let me be loved."
15. "what I am to you is not what you mean to me."
16. "dear did you know you're all i ask for, so hold on to me."
17. "but to wait for you is all I can do and that's what I've got to face."
18. "and I'm afraid of how much I love you."
19. "and it's you, the light changes when you're in the room."


1. Aqualung - Brighter than the sunshine.
2. colin Hay - i just dont think ill ever get over you.
3. Acceptance - So contagious.
4. coldplay - what if.
5. Billy corgan - to love somebody.
6. mirah - were both so sorry.
7. Anberlin - The Symphony of Blase.
8. Lisa Loeb - You Say.
9. Oasis - wonderwall.
10.. Kings on Convenience - love is no big thruth.
11. Third Eye blind - deep inside of you.
12. taking back sunday - your own disaster (the version that starts off with piano).
13. Death Cab - all is full of love.
14. Rilo Kiley - More adventurous.
15. Damien Rice - volcano.
16. Eisley - Just like we do.
17. Postal Service - against all odds.
18. Maria Taylor - Xanax
19. Michelle Branch - Its you.

Im terrified right now. I will not be able to sleep for the next few nights. I gave him the letter & as i drove away watching his truck just sit there for the longest time never to leave before i was completely out of the parking lot. Knowing he was sitting there reading the letter but not knowing how he was reacting or feeling. & i dont see him until tuesday.
(& he has no cell phone so dont think he'll call)

I love these girls. Before work on Sunday we went to the company picnic and got our faces painted.

Im getting sick. i hate it. Everyone at work is sick.tonight at work Adrian from No Doubt came in again & i served him biotch. <3 That made my night. Other than that im tired but theres no way i can sleep.

So I wanted to make sure that when i saw Kris today that I didnt act weird at all. I had to be completely normal. So when i saw him I said hey & told him about work last night & just casual. I played it cool & was way proud of myself. he looked at me kinda funny like an.. adoration look and said "give me a hug". So it wasnt awkward. And all night he was following me around hugging me and talking to me and giving me that funny look. But didnt say anything about the letter. He even went and bought me Krispy Kreme doughnuts.. So when he was leaving, he gave me a hug and said "i want to talk to you, but not today" ummm ok?! yeah so i dont know.. but im ok so far.

So Kris' cousin Jeremy used to be a manager at our store, then he transfered and now hes back again. & I love Jeremy hes totally fun and nice and we joke around together all the time. And he keeps saying stuff such as...

"so whats going on with you and my cousin?"
"no seriously, i mean its obvious that you two are madly in love and make the cutest couple ever, I want to know since you're going to be part of the family"
and reffering to me as "my cousin's girlfriend" to dan.

& yeah he knows Madelin... Freaking weird.

LIFE. u47ytvyrydtfvujj

ps im sooo sick. it hurts so bad to swallow, my throat is so swollen and fever to the max, nose, everything!! im dying. ni feel like death.

name 10 things(in no particular order) that make you happy, and tag five others to do the same.

1.) chocolate

2.) shopping.

3.) green tea.

4.) rain.

5.) memories of the past.

6.) friends.

7.) starbucks.

8.) taking photographs.

9.) hugs.

10.) cookies.

i choose:

untytle

kristynellen

insanedaisyz

illegallyashlee

nookypoo

I got my costume today & im in love.

I'm emotionally exhausted. I can't do this anymore.

Why am i so afraid of change? I dont even like the present..




Christmas music came out today, to go with the rain duh. that means I start shopping this week.
Last Christmas was amazing...

Paris Hilton.
Snow.
Katie Jo.
Home Grown.
San Diego.
Big Bear.
Casino.
Starbucks.
Blonde Hair.

I miss the past.

Is is really that easy to start over? Pack everything up and start anew somewhere else?

"I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather"

But it rained today and that made me smile.


Who wants a rommate far away from Orange county??

went to work today to pick up my check. I was there forever talking to Dan and talking to Kris. part of a conversation with Kris goes as follows:

Kris; "*sigh* i love you, you dont even know."
me: *start to walk away"
Kris: "dont walk away everytime i say that to you"
me: "I'll do what i want at my leisure thank you."
Kris: "Last sunday i said i wanted to talk to you, and i still do, I just got nervous, but i really want to talk."


yeah so i dont know what that means.

So i fell in love. Its called a puggle. Pug & Beagle. I will own one, i can tell you that right now. Cutest thing I've ever seen. The one at the pet store was sold already. I must own this!

I love the fact that everytime i go to work in regular clothes everyone gets mad at me & says "why do you always look like you came right out of a page in a magazine" ♥ sorry but that makes me happy.

Today i went to lunch and shopping with Crystal. We had fun trying on stupid halloween costumes just because.


EXCUSE the Lovehandles.

I'm awake. & i cant go back to sleep. I seriously hate my brain it works way too much on overload. & Somebody didnt call me back when they said they would last night & theyre in big trouble when i see them at work.
i really dont want to go to work..

its so much worse now. & its our own fault.

AHHHHHHHH Im so excited but so scared!!!
I BOUGHT A DOG TODAY!!!
Its a black puggle. OMG. Im in love. Im so scared that my grandparents are going to kill me though. Seriously, theyre going to flip out. & i dont want to get kicked out. Im scared. I get to pick him up on Wednesday. ♥!!!!


& FYI at the moment things can be very dramatic. But im ok. I went to work today and talked to dan, apparently Kris talked to Dan last Wednesday about us & he told Dan, "I don't think I can marry Madelin anymore." Yeah so thats a really big deal. but he has no idea that i know that he said that & i got to work today and he says "Something happened today" & we're supposed to talk tomorrow because were both tired tonight. so until then...

WOW.

Thats all I can really keep saying and thinking, wow. Kris worked morning shift and I worked night so we saw eachother in shift change. He comes up to me and says..

Kris:"I feel really sick like I'm going to throw up."
Me: "Why whats wrong?"
Kris:"Im really nervous"
Me:"Why?"
Kris:"Because I have to do something."


And then later he came up to me and says..

"I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
PLEASE DON'T HURT ME"

after i got off work, he called me to tell me he broke up with Madelin. As happy as I am. I feel awful. You shouldve heard the hurt in his voice. I cant imagen how hard that was to do. And how awful it made her feel and for him to see her reaction. I just wanted to hug him and make it all better.

"Open your eyes, look at me
I'll bring to you whatever you need.
And I'll tell you I'm sorry
That I can't take this pain away from you
And I'd put it on my own body if I knew how to."

I told him "Im really sorry. I wish I knew what to say, but i really don't know." & im scared of what people at work are going to think and say once they start to find out. And Im scared that my family is going to hate him because they know everything, and just dont understand. As happy as i am I'm just as scared.

And i never thought about it this way until yesterday morning, but this situation leaves me with a lot to live up to. Really big shoes to be filled. What if I'm not everything that he thinks i am. What if I dissappoint him? I don't want him to regret things. It's really weird because as much as i wanted this for so long, he wouldnt break up with her as his girlfriend, i thought there was no way he would break up with her as a fiance. It hasnt really kicked in because it still feels so surreal.

♥

For awhile I forgot what happy felt like.

♥

"No more long faces. I'm here now.. and I'm not going anywhere"

♥



So today was our 'first date'. !!!! Kris came over around noon and we went to the MOCA [(Museum Of Contemporary Art)]. They have this exibit called "Ecstasy" and I was hearing good things, and I love going to the MOCA anyways. He'd never been to a museum! wow. But it was really fun and interesting. Honestly, I didn't get a lot of it & i probably would have if I've ever been on drugs. But still neat. After that, we walked around and ate at this Cuban restaurant. I had never had Cuban food, it was really good.

So after that we drove to the store and bought pumpkins. !!!♥ yay for halloween.














This was mine.. i made an ant.










I'm sorry, I forgot LJ is for complaining, I'll get back to you on that...

♥

-I forgot to tell you I bet on the world series. & the white sox won my ass 600 bucks.
-I dyed my hair today because my work gave me until today to dye it or they would fire me, They said it was too unnatural. I was pissed but Im happy with the way it came out.
-I went to breakfast and had omletts with the boy of my dreams.
-I got promoted at work bitches.
-Dan got fired, I cried, and they will be sorry. I promise.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! SHOOOOOT!
♥ X ♥ X ♥

Work is so stupid. I'm really trying to stick it out, but it's hard. Seriously.

So last night Kris brought me roses, took me to dinner at his favorite restaurant, a movie, then drove down pacific coast highway for about three hours. No boy has ever brought me flowers for no reason at all.
♥ .i love him. ♥

& the other night him & Jolea were closing together & talking about me & he said,
"I think Daniele's too good for me"
[(*insert mushy warm feelings here*)] sooo cute.

.END.

ok HELP PLEASE. I need a new place to upload my pictures.
I seriously hate photobucket! it said exceeded already on my new account, i have 56 pictures!!!

what sites are actually good?

I love being happy. But i hate throwing up. Last night Kris & i went to cha cha cha! in Hollywood to see Dan. Free drinks & free food. I think i took advantage of that more than i should have. Then when we were leaving, the car lot that i parked in was all gated and locked. It was such drama. So Jeremy (Kris' cousin & my manager) drove me all the way to Hollywood (it took us over an hour) this morning to get my car. I love them. But right now I'm starving and have to get ready for work.











Random stupid pictures.

Yesterday Kris & I went to San Diego. Went to the Beach, went and saw Melee, spent the night with Cortney, woke up early, went to breakfast, and came home so Kris could go to work. you know those moments you want to be caught in forever? Yeah this was mine. ♥ ♥ ♥









edit: & i love this..

kris: "honestly i was expecting your face to look like ass in the morning because people, you know, dont look their best when they wake up, but i looked at you, and you were still beautiful"

AS SEEN ON MYSPACE..

Hello. This is my boyfriend Kristopher and i love him.
& we went to Disneyland yesterday.

ps. did i ever tell you Kris is Aladdin at disneyland? yep.

last month being blonde


surgery.



brown hair


vegas


another tattoo.


jeremy


met paris.


fell in love.


big brother

dropping out of school.



they gave away buddy.


best birthday ever.


theodore.


halloween.


disneyland.


contentment.

I have so much to say and so much to fill you in on. So much has happened. So much hasnt. So many changes to come, so many mixed feelings, so so much. The thing is that my internet hardly works & I have to go to work right now while it is. But as soon as i get a chance.. I will.

♥

*getting blonder (the second picture is old).
*living with Kris.
*quit my job. *got a new one.
*lindsay's going to have her baby this week.

what else? i dont know..

 

im only 19 years old but i can already say, "this is not the way my life is supposed to be."

i just wrote a really long entry, but erased it. I dont care.
All i have to say is I dont fit in.

i need these:

one bengal kitten,

one english bulldog,


one pomeranian,


and one sphinx kitty,


& in a couple years...



im very serious, so if you want to buy me one, ill love you forever.

this is my puppy. ♥

For Christmas I want one thing thatI dont think Ill get.

I dont know what to write right now because my life is really weird.
I hate being broke.

DOES ANYONE NEED A DIAMOND RING????

bid on this we really need to sell it. Tell ppl you know who might want it.


http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=009&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&viewitem=&item=190067624540&rd=1&rd=1

Realization: I'm that girl. The girl who always gets far and comes so close, but is never good enough. I'm that girl.

Sometimes it seems like the things you want most in life take the longest to attain. Is that bad? Or does it just make you appriciate it more in the end? If you ever get it...

Work has been so slow lately. Its depressing. and not paying the bills. We're thinking about trying to find a cheaper place when our lease is up in September. Right now, we're paying 1400/month for one bedroom.

I dont think i care who wins Top Chef tonight, I honestly think its fixed. Sam shouldve went to the last round. anyways...

I'm just typing because I'm bored.. can you tell. But I'm done because everything i want to write would be vague and not make sense.

Ok for i have 6.5 months till the big 21st birthday. Woot Woot. & since i live 4 hours away from Vegas, Im skipping the whole crazy vegas trip because I can go anytime I want for the day or whatever after i turn twenty one. So... ::drum roll please:: we're going on a Disney World Vacation.!! I'm so excited. Its going to cost $1400. Thats such a good deal, for flight, hotel, and 5 day park hopper tickets.
& if youre shopping & thinking of me, i want:




thats all. kinda.. I want everything, but that will do. you have 6.5 months to buy it. ♥

im not tired.

i love my life