Big Brother 8 Daniele Donato Live Journal: July 2003 - Dec 2003

almost long.
Yeah I needed to get away.. shooooot.

So on Monday I left to my moms house. [in Temecula] it was a long.. lonely drive. Driving fast (the "flow of traffic" on Temecula highways is 89 mph, i got up to 105) listening to Azure Ray with the sun setting behind me. It was so weird because I was getting all emotional + philosophical, seeing the sun setting behind the hill as I just kept driving away into the dark.. It totally made me realize that's my life. [end]

I love my mother so much + my step dad is such a great guy sometimes. I love my little siblings as well. I miss them + wish they lived closer.

On Monday I started to read The Perks of Being A Wallflower because Annie told me to. And I have 30 pages left. For a minute today I thought I knew Charlie, it was weird. Yeah i love that book. duh.

I find that I talk to myself a lot when I drive, that is when I'm not singing.

And Hollister called me again. I had to go in again today.. I guess they'll call me tomorrow if I am hired? It's getting annoying. It's complete chaos actually.

Next Book : White Oleander [duh]

'I wish i could be on t r l ..."
I hate crying. My eyes are still puffy from crying historically twice today. Nothing goes right .. ever + I feel not good enough. for anything..

I went to the Library to return my book + get White Oleander. Its so big!! *sigh* I get intimidated just looking at it.

We went to the park too. Played on the playsets. And played kicking games with a basketball. I was super sweaty. It was hot today // Andrew bought me a cherry slurpee. !!! yay // played Life. Andrew cheats, its fun.

fourth was fun. Went towatch fireworks from the queen mary. they were cute. I'll post pictures when I get less lazy.

I went shopping today. I used to hate it, but now I ♥ shopping! I felt .. large so it makes me happy :] Sad stuff. I might go to Arizona with Joeys family for 9 days.. we'll see.


I need job ideas, where do you kids work??

today: I bought a camera!! finally how exciting. A Nikon n55. Its wonderful. I just need to learn how to work it. I'm excited to make beautiful things last.

I can't find Willy Wonka. :( I loose a lot of stuff.

Ooo I bought a cute watch ♥ ♥ and I applied to about 5 places I think. I need to apply more more more!! I can't wait to swim. I want to go bowling. + i cant wait till my birthday.. dont know why.

I'm leaving on Friday so I figured I'd say it now so you'd have time...

If you want a postcard from Arizona [( and your name's not Mary or Paul )] E-mail me your address. :]

Ps email = Thats So Boss Yo@aol.com

i finally got unlazy.. or just bored.

My 4th of July Fireworks were pretty.



Last night we went bowling. I was awful, I'm usually so good. [EGO]. Then Cortney got us in to see Pirates of the Caribbean. Umm. I give it a 5/10.

dani has a long post? NO effing WAY!!!
Arizona is too hot. Pools are a nice anecdote for that though. And waterparks in Arizona that's dimensions are about 2" x 2" make me laugh. Especially the slide that give you a super painful wedgie + makes your back scab up.

We watched about a million movies in the hotel room. Including the Country Bears. Movies are delightful. OMG They have a pet store in the mall with the cutest dogs + .. FERRETS!! I got to hold a ferret. You know they're illegal in CA so it's a big deal to me. :]

mmm Sonic burger is so good. I only had that in Texas before, I wish they had Sonics and Ferrets in CA.

Got fat too. Ate way too many cookies. oh + bowling in Az is cool. They have cool chairs, balls + shoes. Although most people there were white trash. + I got stared at like I had something on my face constantly. by everyone, especially old people. Tell your grandparents it's not nice. Thanx.

Yeah I'm super glad I'm back in good ol' Southern Cali. I missed it. It's way better out here, :] Az is lame. hah!

oh - Hotel Paper is an amazing cd!! ♥ ♥ ♥

i need life changing alterations.
Today I applied to work at the theater that Tasia works at. I adore Tasia. Then Me, Joey + Paul saw How to Deal. Such bad acting. It was funny. The movie was okay, I thought it would be waaay better, but it was super cheese. Then we got Audrey + went to eat at Black Angus. I've never been there. They said it was my birthday, I was sung to.. but I got a free yummy brownie. :] A lot of things are wrong. And I'm not happy with my life.

today was a waste. [insert stuff to leave out]. I went looking everywhere to find a shirt for my senior pictures, I don't own any black shirts besides band shirts. We went to Friscos and we were waiting in the drive thru and the lady in the van behind us was plucking hairs off her chin. *vomits*

I want:
to go to Disneyland.(more than anything)
a copy of The perks of being a wallflower.
tickets for Rilo Kiley at the glasshouse.
a new purse.

:(


Does anyone have any episodes of these shows on video??

Punky Brewster
Small Wonder
Off Centre
Young Americans

If you do please tell me. I'm in desperate need of copies.

stole this from danyel. fill this out or die. ♥

I _____ Daniele.
Daniele is _____.
If I were alone in a room with Daniele, I would _____.
I think Daniele should _____.
Daniele needs_____.
I want to _____Daniele.
Someday Daniele will _____.
Daniele reminds me of _____.
Without Daniele I am _____.
Memories of Daniele are _____.
Daniele can be_____.
Worst thing about Daniele is _____.
Best thing about Daniele is _____.
I am in _____ with Daniele.

this morning i woke up with a very huge... head. haha. Great thing to happen on senior picture day huh I fixed it but hah it was a scary look /



uh yeah + i was supposed to hang out with tasia.. shes not home..? I think I'll go start painting.

ps how weird did it feel in the cap + gown.!?!!

today i realized other than Joey, I have 1 friend [♥ paul.]. People hurt me so bad sometimes. I don't understand why people are so mean. Friends who make you cry aren't good friends.

why do people hide things from me? It makes me loose respect for them. I'm so mad at my grandpa. If you love a person don't you tell them important stuff? I am being so overwhelmed lately. Theres too much stuff happening to my life too fast. Will somebody please show me where the pause button is?

Toby Maguire is cute ♥

Andrew's gay + I don't like him anymore.
reason I told him how I met a guy nam Link before + how when I have a boy, that'll be his name. Now he's trying to steal it. NOT COOL

there's two words I can't get out. I want to so bad because of how much I hurt. I'm afraid if I say those two words I'll only hurt worse. It never changes + I'm sick of feeling this way.

got more application. (since i cant get a job). bought a few cute things. went to the circus!! (pictures coming soon). tomorrow i go see my senior proofs + pick them out. I'm scared. ps my computer is a piece of CRAP!!! Thats all.




1. A ruben studdered sand tomato i had to get a shot of that. hilarious.
2. me + joey just clowning around... *tee-hee*
3+4. my dear friend. she almost knocked me over though.
5. Joey + the llama.
6. Me + the llama. Look at his face. !! :)
7. The baby joey. so cute.
8. I think he was a medieval times run away. hes a jousting sheep.
9. this kid had a huge mohawk.. he was like 6?
10. biggest pig ive ever seen. pigs are gross.
11. my brother on stage of the hypnotist show pretending hes "out of it"

haven't updated in a while. My computer's a piece of trash. thats why.

Friday : circus!! mm so fun. I have like a million pictures but I'm sure I wont post them for a while.

Saturday : Ordered my senior pictures. They came out SO BAD Seriously, they're awful. I'm not happy at all. At night Paul picked me up for a show. mmm. the lead singer of noise ratchet got cuter. Yeah I had fun. But Adam tries way to hard to be the center of attention.

Sunday : early church. Then me Joey + Andrew went to pet horses. it was wonderful. Lots of sleeping thru out the day too.

Tomorrow Im going to palm springs. I'll be back thursday. I miss my mom. I haven't talked to my grandpa in over a week. I eat too much. I want one of those cute super short skirts. but i hate looking at myself in skirts. i need to go see Freaky Friday on Wednesday.

got back from palm springs . it was hot, but i didnt mind. the pool was nice when i actually felt like swimming. My nose bled a total of 5 times. When people make you mad, it ruins everything. Andrews funny to be funny with. I'm just glad I'm home. I don't want to go to Yosemite.

12 days..

no joey friday - monday.

day #1 - im going crazy!! i need a life or friends or something. Im so pathetic. i feel so lonely. what a loser huh.


somebody make me a cute purse/bag thing with a long strap that i'll adore.
somebody take me to disneyland.
somebody come be my friend and let's have fun + rent movies eat popcorn.

</3 so alone + no one to call up + make me feel better.

"I'm waiting by the phone, waiting for you to call me up and tell me I'm not alone."

i like making mix cds for myself.

i also like watching crossroads with paul.

I don't like reading people journals who talk about stuff that really isn't true. I also don't like getting major back pains from bad cramps.

I do like Mary though, she's a sex goddess. And my new favorite movie is Pecker.

9 days..


//series one- as usual
-- Name: Daniele
-- Nicknames: dani, wellie
-- Birthdate: August 20. 86.
-- Birthplace: up in the LBC.
-- Current Location: Bellflower
-- Eye Color: blU
-- Hair Color: blonde
-- Righty or Lefty: right.
-- Zodiac Sign: leo.
-- Innie or Outtie: medium.

// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: everything in Euro. all that white stuff.
-- The shoes you wore today: flip flops.
-- Your hair: is ugly.
-- Your eyes: i like them.
-- Your weakness: food.
-- Your fears: sharks, death (not my own).
-- Your perfect pizza: pepperoni. + pineapple
--One thing you'd like to acheive: visit all 4 disney parks.

// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: duh.
-- Your thoughts first waking up: turn on the air. or i have to pee.
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: face, hair, clothes.
-- Your best physical feature:eyes.
-- Your bedtime: never. literally.

// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: vanilla pepsi.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: neither.
-- Single or group dates: Friends!
-- Adidas or nike: neither.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Limpton.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: no.
-- Boxers or briefs: dont care.

// series five - do you
-- Smoke: no.
-- Cuss: no.
-- Sing well: i used to.
-- Take a shower everyday: nope. hehe.
-- Have a crush(es): if Andy, Joel, Robert count...
-- Who are they: duh.
-- Do you think you've been in love: yes.
-- Want to go to college: mmhm but cant find one.
-- Like high school: NO.
-- Want to get married: yes.
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: dont know how. :x
-- Think you're attractive: only when I try reallllly hard.
-- Think you're a health freak: not at ALL.
-- Get along with your parents: yeah.
-- Play an instrument: no.

// series six - in the past 3 months, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: n
-- Smoke(d): n
-- Done a drug: n
-- Made Out: y
-- Go on a date: kinda
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: n
-- Eaten sushi: n
-- Been on stage: n
-- Been dumped: n
-- Gone skating: n
-- Made homemade cookies: n
-- Been in love: y
-- Gone skinny dipping: n
-- Dyed your hair: y
-- Stolen anything: n

//series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: negative.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: never
-- Been caught "doing something": no.
-- Been called a tease: yes.
-- Gotten beaten up: by Joey.
-- Shoplifted: when i was little.
-- If so, did you get caught: yes.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no.

// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: mid 20s.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 1 oe 2 max. Link + Mackenzie are the best names.
-- How do you want to die: suddenly.
-- Where you want to go to college: dont know!!!!!!
-- What country would you most like to visit: Anywhere in Europe or Australia!

Like Whoa!! So I do actually have a couple friends! Yes, I was taken to San Diego where the zo0 could be found you would have found us today. so fun. and even gifts.! no effing way. I don't get phone calls from friends for my birthday (8 days..) let alone get togethers + presents in my honor! Wow.

if i see one more commercial for "Uptown Girls" I'm going to pull out my hair!! I HATE BRITTANY MURPHY!

ps i need to post soooo many pictures!!

Lets see... I'm leaving for a week to Yosemite tomorrow morning so I need to think of everything to post tonight.

I now weigh 107lbs. don't know why i loose weight, i just keep eating. Rilo Kiley was fun . Paul's too nice. Everyone's doing really nice stuff for me for my birthday this year. I like it. I want to go shopping soooo bad!

For my birthday (wednesday), I would love to death to receive voice mails from all of my hot LJ friends (that means YOU) my cell # : 562) 209-1916. I seriously hope to get messages from a lot of you. xxxooo. happy birthday me.

I'm turning into such a girl. you wouldn't even recognize me... yeah whatever. *sigh* money doesn't get you very much anymore. suck.

ps. i want a new user name.

my future is going to amount to nothing.

life is miserable. somebody come and fix it for me.

its gross when your dad dates girls who are 4 years older than you.

skool is in 3 days. thats lame.

i had fun today. i need to paint my nails. i need to dye my hair too. i suck.

liking hilary duff is funny + cute. someone buy me her cd.

today i watched 3 hours of "punk'd". That show was funny. It made me laugh. Can you believe that I have one more day of vacation + then I have to go back to school + my boyfriend will be leaving for the weekdays. Sucks. oh yes + I'm the only person at my school who didn't get their schedual. go me. I want so many friends this year. but no new kids ever come. i painted my nails REEL cute. i should go professional. i need to dye my hair though i look like butt.

oh but the coolest thing ever was when i was watching "punk'd" Frankie Muinez had a shirt with my last name on it. I was tripping out. I want that shirt so bad now~!!!
xxx.

summer's over. I cried. im scared. cuz school makes me cry a lot + be mad, sad, frustrated, confused and so many other feelings that I hate. tomorrow im going to walk around school singing garbage all day "this is not my idea of a good time".

i went to buy the hilary duff cd, but they didnt have it :( do you really think I'm dumb for this? its cute. hehe.

i need to post pictures soooo bad so many great pictures + i keep getting more. oh yeah bad pictures too. i got my senior pictures, and headshots back. whatever i'm a loser.

why is it that when you have to pee, then go into the stall, as soon as you see the toilet you're about to pee all over yourself?

i have an interview tomorrow in irvine. ps its not for a job.

(to be in an add for tilly's) shhhhh. ;]

um yeah i haven't been online in 2 days and then all of a sudden LJ gets all.. weird. I'm confused! ooo but i bought the hilary duff cd today. go me. ♥ First week of school done.. a thousand more to go. Turned in 4 more applications. oooh yeah ima loser. i'm missing something...

today i had like hardly any classes. I helped with ID pictures. And i got to take 3. Theyre supurb. I need to post them. i dyed my roots so now i dont look like white tash. yes, i also dyed my cats hair. hes silly.

ps i think im gonna be in charge of after-prom. but if its a chain how effing cool. ♥ me.

I go to school everyday and I'm happy. Then I come home and cry everyday because my grandma is so mean to me or I'm lonely.

Its stupid how im happier at school then in my own home.

whoa two posts in one day...
my future isn't looking bright.

so I want to go into fashion design and photography. Yet, I can only choose one, because it's impossible to do both. I have no idea how i'm going to choose.

I'm too stupid to get into any college I actually want to go to. And every other college any idiot can get into and I feel like I should be on a higher level then that. But maybe i just think too high of myself in that aspect. I'm probably going to end up going somewhere far and ruining my life and having no friends.

actually i have to choose which i want to major in asap. because no school has both photography and fashion. and thoes which do, there is no ge just right into your major for 4 years. so its harder for me than your adverage joe. and every college i want to go to i already know i wont get in so..

i honestly can say i hate my life. I'm always letdown after my hopes are so high. So yeah, I'm too ugly for Tillys because they dont want me in their shoot after they asked me.. I just don't know what's wrong with me. If I knew I would change it, but I dont. I don't like myself. I don't like anything about myself.

im gonna make a real post since I never do anymore...

I started a new class on Thursday night. It's a monologue class. My teacher told me I'm the sh!t. But i don't curse. My teacher, he's cool. Friday we went to see Matchstick Men. So good. Go see it. Saturday we rented some movie .. The Emperor's .. something. It was good. but long. Also we watched A Guy thing. That movie was really funny. I ♥ Julie Stiles. She is so pretty and has the best body in history. We picked up Andrew and Danyel and a few of their friends from KNotts. I got a huge Charlie Brown Sucker and OMG did i feel so cool. Sunday we ate Sonic. the only one is Southern Cali. waha.

So it kinda sucks when your grandma blatantly shows that she can't stand you. When you're driving to school and out of nowhere she says, "By the way when you're 18 I want you out of the house." Yes, did i mention your life beats mine?

why am i so obsessed with tv??

-does anyone watch cupid?? Im in love with Robert!! hes too freaking cute. That Austrian accent freaking does it for me. !!!!♥♥!!!!

i need a new place to host pictures. mines broken. There are a selected few people who make me so happy. ♥ Going to shows with your boyfriend and teling him youre going to hook up with a cute boy is so fun. ps. i dont know my monolague. and im already failing all my classes in week 3!!!!

me and tasia bought our bright pink shirts for our senior class pictures at the beach. Cort and Audrey are getting one too. So we'll be all super cool and stand out. Pauls getting neon green. def. not a girly boy. ♥ the football game was fun last night. i took pictures for yearbook. So every picture we took, me or tasia got somewhere in the background. so we'll be everywhere in the yearbook!! we're so effing cool. Red Robin is fun with friends. and... yes, i feel... weird but i cant explain it.

right now. i want to die.

mmm surprise phone calls from boys you were once in love with are so amazing. On another note, I hate being mad and yelling on the phone. I feel fat and ugly today. I hate these days.

*people who made me happy today:
♥ Mary. Paul. Derek. ♥


ps. I miss Andrew. I never get to hang out with you and talk to you anymore. :(

pss. anyone who wants to be a doll and completely redo my journal layout, i'll make out with you.

Q i remember derek. that was from forever ago. i still have my SL cookie!

A yes derek. boy oh boy. haha. he IMs me randomly every now and then. but he called me last night and we talked for like an hour. I might start hanging out with him again sometime.. but just as friends this time. :x

A nobody ever calls me. only joey and thats nothing exciting. lol. it was just a random phone call. haha but i love you beautiful.

¤ The girl next door, she always sings really loud and her bedroom window is right across from mine. It's amusing.
¤ I have so much work in the next 2 weeks. It's gross.
¤ I'm obsessed as of now with TPS "Brand New Colony"
¤ I haven't made out in months.
¤ Did you know that HHH was supposed to be next month? EFF ME!!
¤ Somebody is bothering me and I can't tell them.
¤ Andrew's a jerk cuz he ripped up the picture I gave him.
¤ Pizza tastes good but makes me want to die.
¤ Tv is glorious this week:
Mon. Everwood.
Tues. Big Brother. Gilmore Girls. The OC.
Wed. Big Brother.
Thurs. Survivor. Friends.
Fri. Miss Match. Joan of Arcadia.

yeah thats 9 shows a week not counting my kid shows. Im addicted. Thats why I'm sooo cool.

"if it makes you happy.. it can't be that bad.
if it makes you happy.. then why the hell are you so sad?"

!!!

i got in trouble at school for my shirt and I was mad because the butch teacher was mean and made me sad. and i have to look stupid tomorrow. school is no fun i really do hate it. mrs bean thinks me and paul "are a thing" as if I'd be sooo lucky. This show is amazing!!! total hottness. ♥ I went to pick up my Yosemite pictures.. they ruined my film .. completely!! so i have no pictures. and let me tell you i took amazing pictures. :( I called CSULB and woohoo. the admissions paper was wrong and they do have photography for a major. so i have a safety school back. :) .. life is weird..

A actually csulb (cal state university of long beach) isnt a photography school. But they have photography as a major. its a good art school so ive beentold. but i am looking into photgraphy schools and art school exc exc/ theres no schools out there for photography?? are you sure cuz theres art schools EVERYWHERE!! i always get letters from like kansas city, and utah, and oregon, exc. you should look some more. plus at a lot of universities they should have photography for a major option.. well not a lot but some. just keep looking. :)

A i wish i could take photography at my school.. but my schools too small and lame.
A ps i do have a boyfriend..

im so tired!! im fallng asleep. i need a nap. Today was dumb. but I helped with school pictures for underclassmen. Poor Andrew. has a bad hair cut. I like all Andrew's friends. Well, most of them. I painted my nails like a tiger. Rawwwrrr.
Im so tired!!


A - Act your age - um ok?
B - Boyfriend - Joey.
C - Chore you hate - i have none.
D - Dad's name - Richard.
E - Essential make up item - Eyeliner. Powder.
F - Favorite actress - Christina Ricci. Sandra Bullock.
G - Gold or silver - Silver.
H - Hometown - Bellflower.
I - Instruments you play- radio.
J - Job title - student.
K - Kids - umm i am one?
L - Living arrangements - brother. grandma.
M - Mom's name - Tracy.
N - Number of people you've slept with - 000.00
O - Overnight hospital stays - No.
P - Phobia - Washing Dishes.
Q - Quote you like - W.Wonka. read down.
R - Religious affiliation? Christianity.
S - Sibling - 1 sister. 3 brothers.
T - Time you wake up? 645
U - Unique habit - i make weird noises.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat - peas and green beans.
W - Worst habit - overreacting.
X - X-rays you've had - my needs.
Y - Yummy food you make - Tacos. mine own.
Z - Zodiac Sign - Leo.



1) The singular most boring question: what is your name? Daniele
(2) Are you happy with it? no.
(3) Are you named after anyone? no.
(4) Are you a prostitute? no.
(5) Your screenname: Thats So Boss
(6) Would you name a child of yours after you? never.
(7) Then what would you name your children? Link. (boy) Mackenzine (girl).
(8)If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? dont know.
(9) If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? Tawni.
(10) Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? yes!!! Daniel. i get that most.
(11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? yes. its dumb.
- - - - -
BASICS
- - - - -
(12) Your gender: 100% gurl
(13) Straight/gay/bi? oh sostraight
(14) Single? no.
(15) Want to be? haha.
(16) Your birthdate: august 20.
(17) Your age: seventeen.
(18) Age you act: how do 17 year olds act?
(19) Age you wish you were: my age is good.
(20) Your height: 5'4"
(21) The color of your eyes: BLU
(22) Happy with it? yes.
(23) The color of your hair: blonde with brown underneath.
(24) Happy with it? i want it longer. :(
(25) Left/right/ambidextrous? righty.
(26) Your living arrangement? my grandma. and older brother.
(27) Your family: 3 brothers. 1 sister. exc exc exc
(28) Have any pets? chinchilla. dog. 4 cats.
(29) What's your job: being perfect.
(30) Piercings? 7 earings. i want to pierce something though.
(31) Tattoos? no.
(32) Obsessions? hilary duff... haha only in pauls eyes.
(33) Addictions? music. stuff.
(35) Do you speak another language? yeah right.
(36) Have a favourite quote? "thats exploding candy for your enemies. great idea isnt it" - w. wonka
(37) Do you have a webpage? only LJ.

- - - - -
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
- - - - -

(38) Do you live in the moment? i try to.
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? most of the time yes.
(40) Do you have any secrets? doesnt everyone?
(41) Do you hate yourself? at times.
(42) Do you like your handwriting? no. its awful.
(43) Do you have any bad habits? so many.
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people? my eyes are beauteeful.
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? blonde effing bombshell. :P
(46) What's your biggest fear? being alone. + sharks.
(47) Can you sing? i used to. but now i only sing to myself.
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? no...?
(49) Are you a loner? no. thats sad.
(50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? success and to be better than anyone in my family.
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? yes!!! id make out with me too.
(52) Are you a daredevil? hardly.
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? lots of hate.
(54) Are you passive or aggressive? passive agressive.
(55) Have you got a journal? duh.
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? strength: i care a lot. weakness: i say stuff i shouldnt.
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my voice. its super annoying.
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity. Which would you choose: love
(59) How do you vent? cry.
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong? no.
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? a lot.
(62) Do you think life has been good so far? sometimes its awful, but sometimes its worth it.
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? real friends are what matters most.
(64) What do you like the most about your body? blah. my eyes.
(65) And least? im so white.
(66) Do you think you are good looking? if i try really hard to look it.
(67) Are you confident? no.
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like? not sure.
(70) Are you perceived wrongly? a lot of the time yes.

- - - - -
DO YOU...
- - - - -

(71) Smoke? no.
(72) Do drugs? no.
(73) Read the newspaper? no.
(74) Pray? yes.
(75) Go to church? yes.
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you? they dont.
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals? yes!!!
(78) Take walks in the rain? i want it to rain :(
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them? yes. *dislike.
(80) Drive? yes.
(81) Like to drive fast? yes!! its a rush.

- - - - -
WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...
- - - - -

(82) Liked your voice? no.
(83) Hurt yourself? yes.
(84) Been out of the country? not yet...
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick? umm?
(88) Been in love? yes.
(89) Done drugs? no.
(90) Gone skinny dipping? no. id be embarassed.
(91) Had a medical emergency? yes.
(92) Had a surgery? stitches..
(93) Ran away from home? no.
(94) Played strip poker? not yet.. haha.
(95) Gotten beaten up? no.
(96) Beaten someone up? no.
(97) Been picked on? yes. when i was younger.. a LOT.
(98) Been on stage? many times.
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? no.
(100) Slept outdoors? yes.
(101) Thought about suicide? yes.
(102) Pulled an all-nighter? yes.
(103) If yes, what is your record? not sure?
(104) Gone one day without food? yes. like 4.
(105) Talked on the phone all night? yes. i love that.
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first(moms and daddys don't count)? um for a few hours. not an entire night.
(107) Slept all day? yes.
(108) Killed someone? no.
(109) Made out with a stranger? no.
(110) Had sex with a stranger? no.
(111) Thought you're going crazy? duh.
(112) Kissed the same sex? no.
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? no.
(114) Been betrayed? yes.
(115) Had a dream that came true? im sure i have.
(116) Broken the law? yes.
(117) Met a famous person? yes.
(120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? fish.
(121) On purpose? no.
(145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? yes.
(146) Stolen anything? yes.
(147) Been on radio/tv? no.
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? not intentionally.
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? not really.
(150) Considered religious vocation? no.
(152) Bungee jumped? no, but im gonna.
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back? yes.

- - - - -
CLOTHES
- - - - -

(154) Shoe brand? Vans, Hurley. Flip Flops. no more converse.
(155) Brand of clothing? American Eagle <3
(156) Cologne/perfume? cotton candy. duh.
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work? jeans. with shirts.
(158) How about parties? i dont go to parties.
(159) Wear hats? no.
(160) Judge other people by their clothing? yes. :x
(161) Wear make-up? yes. <3
(162) Favourite place to shop? AE. and the mall period.
(163) Favourite article of clothing? shirts.
(164) Are you trendy? umm. i dont think too much. stylish. :)
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? gawd no. after today.. haha.

- - - - -
BELIEFS
- - - - -

(166) Believe in life on other planets? no.
(167) Miracles? yes.
(168) Astrology? no.
(169) Magic? no.
(170) God? yes.
(171) Satan? no.
(172) Santa? i wish.
(173) Ghosts? yes.
(174) Luck? no.
(175) Love at first sight? no. thats called lust. yum. :x
(176) Yin and Yang (that good can't exist without the bad)? yes.
(177) Witches? yes.
(178) Easter bunny? no. :(
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? of course.
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? yes!!!
(181) Do you wish on stars? no.


- - - - -
AMIGOS
- - - - -

(187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? no.
(188) Who is your best friend? Paul ♥
(189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? Joey.
(190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? ------
(191) Your favourite inside joke? ......
(192) Thing you're picked on most about? everything.
(193) Who's your longest known friend? dont know.
(194) Newest? !! i dont know!!
(195) Shyest? Cortney?
(196) Funniest? Tasia. as in ditz. Paul.
(197) Sweetest? Paul.
(198) Closest? Paul.
(199) Weirdest? Tasia.
(200) Smartest? Paul + Cort.
(201) Ditziest? Tasia.
(202) Friends you miss being close to the most? Sabrina.
(203) Last person you talked to online? Andrew.
(204) Who do you talk to most online? Paul.
(205) Who are you on the phone with most? Joey.
(206) Who do you trust most? Paul.
(207) Who listens to your problems? Paul.
(208) Who do you fight most with? Joey.
(209) Who's the nicest? me.
(210) Who's the most outgoing? joe.
(211) Who's the best singer? --------

(213) Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? i dont think so.
(214) Who's your second family? Andrew.
(215) Do you always feel understood? no.
(216) Who's the loudest friend? Chris.
(217) Do you trust others easily? yes.
(218) ???? - huh.
(219) Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: ....
(220) Do your friends know you? most of the stuff.
(221) Friend that lives farthest away: Mary!!!!!!!

we told my yearbook teacher her fish died and that we flushed him but when we were flushing him he started swimming but we couldnt save it.. the tide was too strong. haha it was soo my idea. Im wonderful. Paul sang today. so lovely. hehe. Tasia and I ate cookies and .. stuff. I don't know If I'm going to class tonight. So much studying and I know nothing. my eyes hurt really bad. 5th period and 7th are my favorite.♥

Studying is so stupid and pointless. I learn nothing just try to memorize it for a day then forget it. I need new clothes!!!

I ♥ Andrew.
...and of course Paul. but thats a given ;)

i need a hug because theres nothing better than a hug. mmmm so true.

After school, I got a pretzel. It was soo good!! :) Last night was fun because everyone went to the game so it wasn't boring. But Yes, I'm stupid and I lost my new AE sweater. go me. So I was really upset, still am really sad.Oh and some girl told me her friend likes me.. yeah hes in 8th grade. haha. After the game; Me, Cortney and Paul drove back to school to get his car. Cortney has funny cds. Then we went to In N Out. Yeah Joe's crazy. After everyone left, me, paul, joe, audrey, cherie, and joey all hung out outside and talked about stupid suff in the cold. Signed up for SATs again. I need to study. And If Im gonna try out for soccer this year, i need to start running. Do you realize college apps start next week??!! Umm yeah.. stress much??!! I have a lot of homework to do this weekend. And when nobody texts me back.. that stinks.

Lost in Translation is a stupid movie. The girl in it is really cute though. but yeah it went nowhere and there wasnt really an ending.. at least an understandable one.

Claim Jumper is the yummiest place on earth. But Salads make me have to constantly pee the rest of the day and night. So not cool.

My friends made me happy today because 3 of them called me and 2 of them kept text messaging me ♥ I never used to have real friends. I think I'm liking this.

I eat way too much food and my stomach always feels stretched to the max. I didn't wear makeup today because theres some days where I don't care what people think of me.

Do my homework And I'll makeout with you. Just tell me the place and time. Oh yeah and I missed both Miss Match and Joan of Arcadia i wanted to see them both, If you saw them give me the 411.

I need to start taking pictures so I can post them because people only tend to really reply to my posts when I post pictures.. LOSERS!

I woke up and my eyes hurt really bad. So i slept in till noon. Youre jealous. Yeah I just wrote a long entry then my computer froze and now i cant remember anything. I talked to my mom today. Its been 2 months since Ive talked to her. I miss her so much. I started crying (shhh) she didnt know. If she called me more, shed be perfect.

Hopefully I'm going with her to San Francisco on Saturday. You know.. to go to open house at The Art Institute.. the school which everyone will hate me if i decide to attend next year. My mom told me I should take a year off next year and go backpacking across Europe (hinting that she'd pay). She said I should go with one 'girl'friend. But I know no parent of anyone i know would let them do that, So I'm gonna try to talk her into just the summer!! Talk about AMAZING!! So who knows.. i wont get my hopes too high though.


Marc Jacobs. Cute and dainty, you are conservative
but still manage to be adorable. A bit old-
fashioned, you are a family-oriented homebody.
As far as love is concerned, you are one tough
cookie, but once your fall, you fall hard. Guys
like your hard-to-get attitude, but be careful,
being too motherly can be a turn-off.


Which fashion designer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

so I got really bored and chopped up my hair. I kinda ruined it though. :x but here 's to smiling. ( i realize the picture probably isnt showing up, but if you click the link or comment button they should work. thanx. )

i have a new bad habit. I constantly hold pieces of my hair and softly bite the tips. lol. I can't help it though.

Everytime I eat, I feel nasty. this weekend is going to be super busy. ps did i tell you i already applied for college? How old am i?

my friends are amazing, cramps are not.
friday was spectacular. I definitely haven't had that much fun in .. a long time. 1/2 day of school. so we went to the block. paul came and ate with us, then left and it was a girly day at the movies. We saw "Thirteen" yeah.. there was lots of "bad" stuff in it but it was a great movie. I loved it and the color transformations were amazing. ♥

Then we went to the football game. Yeah it was fun, but somebody was there who i dont like seeing... shes a jerk. And she called me the B! word. *sigh* After the game it was back to school for pizza and grape soda. mm. Then we went cosmic bowling. I kicked everyones butt!! That's in bold because I rule. Im amazing!! :) I had a whole lot of fun.

Then we (8 girls) went to Audrey's house and tore up paper and then toilet papered my yearbook teacher (shes great)'s house. we got it soooo good. you'd die. I'll post pictures when somebody sends them to me. then we got caught toilet papering my art teachers house.. it was 5 30am though. hehe. Then we went to the beach to watch the sunrise. got home at 10am. yeah i was exhausted.

Woke up at 5pm. Sonic for dinner. mmm! later, Paul, me, and joey saw Duplex. It was a weird movie. but pretty funny. Today I slept till 12. sheesh. I have really bad cramps so i was rolling around the floor whining. it was sad. then we got coldstone. mmm pistachio ice cream is wonderful. and now I'm bored..? Yeah I dont want to go to school tomorrow.

finally got my computer back. (hence the lack of posts)

mmm mcdonalds cookies are amazing.

derek called me and made my day 100000000xs better. i adore him. and miss him.

tomorrows going to be gay and its supposed to be good. thats dumb.

im sick of people saying, "thats so emo". .. _______

chad michael murray is the hottest guy EVER. When i see him on tv its practically an affair. I want HIM!!!

somebody buy me a scanner. ps paul for homecoming king.

what the world needs now is love sweet love.
Sometimes it's bad, but sometimes it's good. Which leaves me in the middle confused. But today was nice. Nothing works on my computer. digi cam or web cam. and that just sux. The radio is fun because for some reason I know the lyrics to the majority of all songs on it and I can sing them real loud and look like a dork.

does anyone want to be a doll & make me a mix cd?

.i wish i was a teen in the 80s. OMG that would be totally amazing.

why is it that when a boy tells you have pretty eyes its like really really flattering?

you put mazzy star & oasis on my cd. you made me smile so wide & be so very happy. ♥ mmm

you say.. i only hear what i want to.


my life is so stupid & superficial in general. I wish there was more meaning. I know I'll find it someday. & Im not trying to sound profound or intellectual. I just don't see it yet. I feel like I'm doing the wrong things. i want to move away.

i just saw Kill Bill (yes all by my lonesome). OMG it was insane. It was soo good. go see it. But if you have a weak stomach for blood and stuff it might not be your movie. ahhhh. i want volume 2 to come out now. hehe. im hyper.

*swoon*


dont you just want to take him home??!!

it doesnt feel the same anymore...
And I don't know how to react.

i forgot to change my clock. *sigh*

my entire weekend was spent at school. But its ok, I enjoyed myself. I was sick Saturday though. Fever, and threw up too. not good. SATs on Saturday. Im scared. I enjoyed hanging out with Andrew today. I adore that boy. I really dont want to wake up and go to school tomorrow. *sigh*

I eat way too much & i feel so gross. I have been so exhausted lately. Im like falling asleep & its not even 8:oo. tomorrow I'm going to Santa Barbara to check out a school up there. [(Casey, I'll take lots of pictures for you)]. Saturday is homecoming & the skool spirit is fun. tomorrow i have to give my testimony in apologetics. I'm terrified. I can't wait to graduate, but im actually learning to enjoy going to school this year.

today I gave my testimony in Apologetics. I cried through the whole thing. I didn't want to cry at all. I made lots of other people cry too. I ♥ my friends. Today I have class and I don't know my monologue.

I go to a Private (Christian) school. And Apologetics is like the Bible class for seniors. Its like telling you how to prove the Bible is real. So we had to give our testimonies (ie the stories of our lives) and how in our lives God has shown himself. :)

S. L. U. T.

santa Barbara pictures.

yeah cuz yesterday i went to Santa Barbara duh. Checking out skools for me to go to. And all those birds, yeah they came flying fast over our heads and pooping evreywhere all around us. I freaked out!!

ps. what should i be for halloween?

what a great time to start my period. i have SATs in an hour. And homecoming tonight. i swear if i get cramps in that room with strange people im going to die.

Halloween was fun. I got so much candy. My bag weighs more than I do. Homecoming was fun too, minus the fact i didn't feel good, and had cramps. And it was wonderful when in the vans on the way to homecoming i said, "see, what would the senior class be without me?!" and everyone at the same time says "boring." Its funny how last year at homecoming I said, "Next year let's make Paul homecoming king" and all by myself I told every person in the highschool to vote for him & last night he was crowned king. I'm amazing. haha. SATs sucked hardcore. I effed that up so bad. ♥ me. I want a new journal user name, Ive had this one almost 3 years..

i don't feel good. i think i'm sick again.
I ought to start taking vitamins.
Soccer tryouts start Wednesday. Am i ready? NO.
I'm mostly afraid my bones are going to give out on me.
I've had way too many problems with my knees & arches.
I miss my mom so much. If I don't get to go out there
this weekend, I'm sure to cry.
It rained today! I was enthralled!! I wouldve liked better
to sing & dance in the rain though.
I don't write pretty things like I use to. I wish I could.

hmm. no school cuz I'm really sick. my eyes are puffy. My throat is all swollen. My voice sounds ugly. /it hurts to breathe. I'm gonna stay in my pjs all day. I want soup or ice cream. maybe both. I just wish it were rainig right now. I have a lot to say I just cant remember what... but did lj mess up anybody else's layout? I need mine fixed its awful.

i fixed my journal. yay. ♥
I'm feeling a bit better. Thanx for the comments.
It makes me more then happy to wake up to a phone call of, "Im just calling to see how youre feeling." ♥ some people are so darling.
Theres too many amazing shows this & next month. I wish
I had money to go to any of them. :(
I think I ate something bad. .. my stomach feels nasty.
I listen to silly music now. Only cuz it amuses me.
I seriously cannot wait till graduation day. thats all that has been on my mind lately. I can't wait till i get my own car. & move out. *sigh* my days to come will be wonderful.

holy crap i turned around and my candle was up in a huge flame & i tried to blow it out & it got bigger. So i tried pouring water on it & the glass started cracking. Then my brother "smothered" it with a shirt. The fire alarm went off. && my rooms all smokey. That was scary.

I'm going thru a lot emotionally right now. I keep distracting myself from
it, but I am. Luckily I'm going to my mom's house tomorrow. I am so happy
for that. I haven't seen her since July i think. I'm gonna make a maditory
stop at sonic on the way. Random pictures under the cut.

it sucks because my internet is rarely working anymore.
For no reason at all, at random, AOL wont sign on. For
hours upon hours & you know me. I need my internet. I
had a really good time at my moms house. We talked a lot.
And Im going back next weekend. Going over my mom's
was supposed to take it off my mind, but talking about it with
her made it more of a burden on my back. I really don't
know what to do. Because I don't know what i want.
AND I HATE IT

I decided yesterday that i want to get a tatoo. Out of nowhere really.
I always said I'd never get a tatoo. But yeah I want it to look like this.


I think thats really lovely. Im gonna ask my dad if he'll take me; considering
he has sleeves. And is getting more done seemingly weekly. I feel as if i need to do something seemingly shocking.

ok so My internt is never working but they wont fix it because they say i have 2 modems. um no i dont but thanx. It was pouring rain for 5 minutes & Ive never seen more lightening in my entire life. wow. ♥ but there is cars floating down the street really close to my house. Ive been staying at school really late (last night till 10pm) for yearbook. We're so behind & next week is going to be hell. I'm dying! Tomorrow Im going to see Hilary Duff. for free. Im so kool. ♥ to michelle for that huh. We'll act like teenie boppers and spaz out singing real loud. man i need it. I NEED A FRIGGEN VACATION!! Mary I want to come out now!!!

ps. I need a tan. I think thats one of my biggest insecurities / causes of self consciousness. Its really embarrassing to me. I hate shorts!

recap --->


im never online cuz my internet never works. I Hate not having internet!!! hilary duff on thursday was super duper fun. I won $75 gift card to Macy's. & 4 day 3 night stay to somewhere like hawaii, mexico, fL, or a few other places. thats exciting. so i went to Macy's & went makeup shopping at the Mac counter. wahaha. I don't want to go to school!!!

pictures... cuz i make weird faces.

Soccer is wearing me out. i got a heat rash today. I eat a whole lot of food. I never get A's anymore. I talk on the phone till midnight. I wake up late. I stay at school till way after dark. i lie about how i feel. my hair sux. i watch too much tv. ♥ me.

Soccer tryouts are finally over. Our first game is in less than 2 weeks. *sigh* Stress. Its eating me up. & its showing. Stress causes me to break out. & im doing just that, to the max Today I put the seniors & their cars picture together. I was amazing. haha I'll get copies just to brag. I feel so weird. because everytime he calls, I smile wider then I have in so long. I need to finish an essay. And its utter BS. Buddy is asleep on my bed. It should be me... hehe. My internet effing sux!!! Derek's coming back next week & i'll finally get to see him. I'm happy. I think My brother has a girlfriend. They talk everyday 2xs or more on the phone, & she came over yesterday & today. & they were in his room alone with the lights off & i heard faint laughter. hmmmm.. I made a new icon, but its too sleezy. Im tired, back to work.
tv makes me want things I dont have...

my internet hasnt been working for like 5 days. Ive been going crazy. a lot of crap lately. yeah... & yet I have nothing to say. My SAT scores made me cry. so please don't ask. More Pictures of me & my dad & brother?
there's funnier ones, but i need my dad to send them to me. & yes my brother needs a haircut sooo bad.


ps im extremely bitter because im watching making the tour with hilary duff (because its from the show i went to) and they filmed us a lot. but they didnt show us on tv. EFF YOU.

oh yes i forgot. Senior best & most standout stuff. Youre now looking at .. or reading from the funniest senior girl. go me. ♥
but my gov. teacher told me I just won cuz im popular not cuz im funny. Life is grand.

i hate not having the internet for a week @ a time. But after trying for 3 hours straight. im finally on.

its super cold in my room. Im freezing. Tonight, were going to a restaraunt for dinner.. who does that??!! *sigh. My life is filled with problems right now. Its my fault really. but its unintentional. I just don't know what i want. & i hate not knowing.

this week has been a quentin tarentino marathon. Everynight ive been going to my dads house to watch another one of his movies. Tonight is Jackie Brown night.

yesterday I had practice from 8am-10am. then yearbook from 10:30am-7:00pm. like whoa to the max. Stressssss. OH I miss the OC last night!!! what happened??!!

I'm just going by trying to make people happy but somehow constantly fail. I seem to always let people down. Even more let myself down. ps. I hate hurting peoples feelings.

6 more months. And then i will be invincible.

I had a weird dream last night but I cannot tell you about it because it was sleezy & there was a guy it in whom ive never seen before in my life.

Today I went to lunch & the movies with my dad. The Cat in the Hat suxxx. Dont see it. Its definitely not funny. But the Haunted Mansion was really good.

I was looking forward to seeing Derek this week, but I think hes still out of state. People who i want around all seem to be out of state.

I look so cute right now. hah// Tonight is my friends 80s themed party so I'm all decked out. pictures later.

Last night I came home.. opened a letter read,:

Dear Daniele:

CONGRATULATIONS! You have been admitted to California State University, Sacramento for the Fall 2004 semester. We are pleased you have chosen CSUS to meet your higher education needs. ...

I doubt I'll end up going there but it was a nice feeling. but weird too. I couldnt sleep due to so many thoughts going thru my head. I went to my dads & watched Benny & june. & spent the night.
I just want to accomplish things & make myself proud & my family astonished. I'm trying...

ps. i need to loose 10lbs. I hate myself.

Q please don't lose ten pounds, you're small enough as it is. It will make me very sad.

A im not that small, trust me. its just gross weight i gained in the last few weeks.

If this is what I wanted, then why does it hurt so bad?

It hurts. It really really hurts. I cant sleep & I havent even tried. I dont want to go to school tomorrow but I have obligations to uphold. So yet again I'll be forced to fake a smile & no matter how much it hurts refrain from crying. I dont think I'm that strong. I don't know what to do right now. But i know that I dont want to talk about things.

Yeah it sometimes sucks being such a happy person. It sux when youre not happy. I started crying when the first person said something to me. Im a mess. Im ok right now.

It makes it worse when every single person comes up to you & says "Daniele, are you ok??" but sometimes people make me feel better.

Mr. Zamora: "whats wrong?"
Me: "everything"
Mr. Z: "youre not your jovial self"
Me: "yeah im trying"
Mr. Z: "youre doing a good job"

people sometimes say just the right thing. & im thankful for them. & Cortney is the best. Ahh. Sometimes you just need a hug. ♥

my friends are perfectly normal. ♥ Audrey. Audrey rhymes with pee pee.

Tomorrow I'm going to Disneyland!! Do you have any idea how excited I am???!! I bet you don't. We lost our game today, 4-3. It was a good game though. I was happy with the way I played. I'm so tired. I have a lot of work to do [(for yearbook)]. I never have anything to say...

oh, here are just a few bad pictures from last weekend.

Being missed is a really good feeling. But Not being missed really hurts. anyways...

Disneyland was super fun. I'll post pictures later when I get them. We ate at the blue bayou. Fancy Dining. (thats the one inside the pirates of the carr. fyi)The haunted mansion looks amazing. & i got a nightmare before cgristmas blanket. ♥

I hate being alone. I hate this. I don't know if I can do this.



im too vague.

"& sometimes lonely hearts just get lonlier..."

Yesterday I called up my dad to hang out. So we went to lunch. & rented: James & the Giant peach, Finding Nemo, Holes, & the Italian Job. All good movies. & we ate like a thousand krispy kreme doughnuts. I woke up at 12:30, maybe later. There was no reason to wake any earlier. School is tomorrow & i am looking forward to going. I'd rather be at school then at home. by far.
Oh yeah & my brother has a big hickey on his neck. Its really funny. Me & my dad were making fun of him.

---
wow. everyone says my dads hot. thats.. creepy. but hah. um. yeah. so now ive been told my dad & my mom are hot. ... i feel weird. ;]
---
oh did I mention how good it feels to find out my grandma is counting down the days until i move out? ♥ my life.
---
i went to my dads again. we watched the nightmare before christmas. ♥ & ate dinner. ive been hanging out with him a lot lately. its nice.
---
Today it was raining when i was driving home & ryan called & i was so happy because the rain makes me so happy & when ryan calls i get really happy too.
---

Today we sucked in our game. I hurt my ankle pretty bad. Tomorrow my dads making dinner for me. yum. Riding home on busses is fun because friends are silly & you talk about life. Getting letters from Mary in the mail is the best thing ever. ♥
There's something missing....

I love my coach. He's really cool. & so hysterical. Yeah today i did not practice because my ankle is really hurting. I hope it feels better in the morning. My mom is going to Disneyland with my little brothers & sister & my "other" grandma (the nice one ;] ). She invited me to go, but I am missing school on Friday to go to Catalina Island (for soccer) so missing 2 days in a row would be tough. For making up work and that junk. But I really miss my mom. But i need to go to practice too. *sigh* i dont know... School stinks a lot. Like I enjoy being around my friends but I would just lately rather be at home. It was freezing cold today. I was shivering & stuff. Dinner with my dad has been moved to a later date. Um... I can't think.

my school is weird.
my nails are long.
My right hand is always freezing.
I ♥ cookies.
I love my blanket.
I cannot wait till Christmas, but I have $0.o0 & thats dumb.

last night I stayed with my mom, grandma, little brothers (Zack & jack) & my sister (lindsey) in the Grand California Disney hotel.. or whatever its called. Yep then we woke up super duper early & went to Disneyland today. I had so much fun. I just feel so happy there. & donald & goofy kept holding onto me & tickling me & pulling my arms & wouldnt let me leave. it was funny & silly. ♥ Theres a lot of cute bois @ dL too... ;]
haha when i was leaving my mom goes "do you need any money for the ride home or anything" & the valet guy pulls out his wad of tips & says, "you want some money here you go" and stretches out his arm towards me & i was laughed. & then he gave me a 5 dollar bill & said here take it. & me & my mom started laughing & it was weird.
Im going to apply to work @ Disneyland you know. My aspiration is to be Alice. ♥ thats my favorite Disney movie. Oh but yeah, Alice was there today & shes really ugly so that made me happy.. my chances are better that way. :] She had buck teeth & lots of freckles. Im so way better as Alice. ;] hehe. People @ Disneyland make me feel so amazingly happy.
I think Im going to go to California Adventure on Sunday with my dad because my pass was a 2 parks for the price of one deal. Im really excited because i have never been there yet.
Tomorrow we leave to go to Catalina Island for two soccer games, one on Friday & one on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to that. It should be a whole lot of fun. I dont know what to bring though & i havent even started packing & i think all my clothes are dirty.. great. yuck. Ryan called me tonight when i went to my dads house on the way home from Disneyland & it rained. He calls me everytime it rains... thats so cool!! haha.
This is my longest post in absolutely forever. And I'm being totally random. I have a lot I need to go do to get ready to leave in the morning. umm... oh yeah but its been sooooo cold. its awful. I need warmth. come cuddle with me... ♥
ps Im exhausted.

yes. My computer has been not working -- the usual.

Catalina was super fun. (pictures later). We won the first game 9-0. And the Second game 10-0. I play defense & had my coach put me as offense & i scored my very first goal it was so freaking cool. oh yeah & some girl kicked me in the head & sat on my face... soccer. haha.

Yesterday my dad took me to california Adventure because our DL tickets were 2 for 1 thing. yeah C. Adventure is.. um well theres nothing there. But we still had a lot of fun. (pictures later). we ate dinner at Ariel's grotto where all the characters came & ate with us & danced exc exc. so fun.

Tonight I' going to my dads house to cook dinner & make cookies. How fun. I hate school so much its such a nag. After this week, theres only 5 months left... I dont think im going to the winter formal on Saturday. I cant afford it. This year is so expensive its stupid.

Derek called me today & i was at practice. :( I think were gonna hang out soon. I miss his guts. Yeah certain people really brighten my day. ♥
.. I dont know why things changed...

Ive never cried harder then I have all day. I've never felt more worthless
then I have today. I've never felt so unloved then I have today. I've never
felt so much like I'd rather be dead then I have today.

2 Christmas's ago was my worst Christmas. My grandparents had just broke up & I felt alone. This year beats that year. When Joey says he doesnt want to waste his time on me & wont take phone calls from me.

Ive been crying ever since. I was just tring to make things better, but everything blew up in my face. & It wouldnt be near as bad if he didn't say the awful things he said. I know he doesnt feel that way, its only things other people told him that hes repeating. It hurts so much that my insides feel all gross & i feel like Im going to throw up. I just want to sleep forever. I woke up at 1pm, but I want to go back to sleep.


I won’t ask for much this christmas
I won’t even wish for snow
I’m just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won’t make a list and send it
To the north pole for saint nick
I won’t even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
’cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for christmas is you
You...

yesterday was exactly what i needed.

friends make problems go away.

on christmas morning Im going to Florida. With my dad. It will be fun, if things get better here first. Emotions are really confusing especially other peoples. Im really feeling like crap every single day. Im deciding that my favorite holiday (Christmas) is now my X-favorite holiday. And everyday I want to cry because I dont understand why you want good feelings to go away.

i wonder what its like.. to wake up every single day.. smile on your face.

every single Michelle Branch song puts my emotions into words. 'Hotel Paper' & 'The Spirit Room' are my cds of the week .. or two. I seriously wish I could go back in time & take back things & change them. *sigh*

I haven't been as happy as I was yesterday in a really long time. JOey came over & we talked. & he made it quite evident that he wants everything back to the way it used to be as well, but he can be dumb as hell sometimes, so I still don't know whats going to be the outcome. He says he needs a week to think about things. So I'm just waiting around missing him like freaking crazy & feeling lonely & trying to convince myself things will turn out for the best. So for now its just me & michelle. ;) But Holy Crap do i want to call him so bad every second & tell him to come over & just hug him & tell him how much I love him.
im such an idiot because this is really my fault.


I still need to pack, we leave the day after tomorrow. Were going to all 4 Disney parks in 2 days... thats a rush. I really wish I could sign online anytime. Friggen internet!! AOl sux. Im sick too. I got really sick last night. Isnt that freaking wonderful??? I need another hug. Hugs are like problem solvers. But only for the time being.

Andrew is totally one of my favorite people in the entire world. He can always put a smile on my face no matter what. & i can always count on him.

& i was just thinking. If things dont work out with Joey...
there are a lot of colleges i really wanted to go to, but didnt even apply to because of him. Gawd that will suck. Seriously I cant explain how much that will suck.
"every time i feel alone.. i can blame it on you... & i do..."

man, boys & girls are both equally dumb. Why does love hve to be so complicated??!! I really hope everything with you gets better too. ♥ yeah Im trying to happy on Christmas but sometimes its not as easy as it sounds. Just go listen to HOtel Paper really loud in a dark room. & man oh man will it just.. i dont even know, it helps. i ♥ you.

i freaking love my mother.

"if you really want it, dont listen to him and do what you feel, pick up the phone."

Lots of posts today. Im sorry. but i hardly post anymore anyways...

So i talked to Joey today for like 5 minutes, hes coming by tomorrow. Im getting a weird vibe from him though. I was thinking (ive been thinking a lot lately) & I am scared if things with JOey work out that he'll treat me like crap. Because right now I feel like Im the only one trying & putting any effort into fixing this. So what if he thinks hes got me in the palm of his hand? I really dont want to be treated "not good enough." Why does life have to be so complicated???

Its funny how Ive been trying to convince myself that everythings going to be ok, & then after a phone call with my mom I actually feel like it will. I cant wait to see my mom tomorrow. ♥

My trip was amazing. Serious. But now my stomach hurts because im back in the middle of all the problems i left behind. I seriously just want a boy to be in love with me and for my world to be perfect again.

I dont feel like posting.